The Real War

How long? How long will we choose misery over peace and joy? How long will we ignore the real war?

Society is under attack. So many families have been broken or are on the verge. So many claim that the answer to "toxic" relationships is to burn bridges. We point fingers and blame. We fall prey to comparison. It's so easy to become depressed as we beat ourselves up for not measuring up to expectations. We worship this idea of "normal". We wish we could hold things together like those normal people over there, and sometimes we look down on those who aren't cutting it. We hide our weaknesses for fear of fingers being pointed at us. We fear rejection so we hide or reject people first. We fear failure so we avoid trying or try to change the rules in our favor. There is so much misery! So much pain.  So many of us feeling alone even when surrounded by people. They don't feel available to us. We are convinced that they can't understand us. We think they don't care. We think we don't fit in. We think that we are hopeless. We believe we'll never be good enough. These build on each other and accumulate. Every painful experience, every trauma piles on more. These bricks build walls that make us feel completely alone.

In those times when we feel motivated, we try to prove ourselves. We work harder. We buy nicer cars. We try to get promoted. We try to make our bank account grow. We try to get more likes or followers on social media. We get plastic surgery. We compare ourselves with others and find any way to come out on top. We dress to impress. We hide our farts from even our closest family. We avoid activities where we don't shine. We hide our ugly parts. We pretend they don't exist. We set goals that we later fail at. We use all of our willpower in a feeble attempt to be good enough.

And when we succeed at looking good, and someone praises us... we feel good for an instant but then the compliments fall flat...because they don't belong to us. We weren't being ourselves, so they are meaningless. We see the compliments as a precedent that we have to keep up with so we can never be ourselves... And we feel even more alone. 

So we escape. We doom scroll. We emotionally eat. We play victim. We throw ourselves a pity party. We get riled up in political debates. We get lost in sports. We watch awful things happening in the news or obsess about conspiracy theories but do nothing. We watch meaningless videos deep into the night. We do dangerous things to get adrenaline rushes. We cut ourselves. We find any way to dull the pain. We look at things we shouldn't.  We vape. We get high. We get drunk. Or we do even worse. We push everyone away and shut them all out. And then we hide all of this out of shame.

Sometimes in all the blaming, and all the anger and self-pity, we think that those people are our enemy. We see them as a problem in the way. We are blinded to the point where we can't see anything good about them. We no longer see them as human. We give in to the anger and hatred. We pick up our tactics, our quick comebacks, our jabbing comments, our convincing arguments, or our other weapons of war.

We have been deceived. We have missed the truth. The war is not out there but within ourselves. Within every single one of us is a war that rages between fear and love. Both are vast, but fear is louder than love. 

Fear feeds the anger, the self-pity, the perfectionism, the disappointment, the expectations, the shame, the beating sticks we use on ourselves and others. Fear feeds our insecurities, our questionable beliefs. Fear kills our pure desires and passions. Fear overwhelms us. It feeds our anxieties. It deepens our depression. It makes us terrified of death. It infects every aspect of life. 

But if we can cast out all of this fear, all that is left underneath is love. 

Love is constant and deep. It is patient and outlasts all of this. It quietly waits for us to come back. Love includes freedom to fully be ourselves. Love includes knowing that we are absolutely safe. The love we have within us is eternal and indestructible. It outlasts death and hell. It is a spring welling up from within that is ready to burst into a glorious fountain. It connects us with each other and with every living thing. It is a force that can enable us to love our enemies. It teaches us that we are so safe that we don't need to defend against evil. We can respond with love, compassion, curiosity, and mercy. We can turn our other cheek after they strike us and give them our cloak after they steal our tunic. We can disarm them with kindness. We may be able to stop in their tracks by our gaze that is full of unconditional love and not a drop of fear. We can make them want to throw down their weapons of war and join us... or still be in peace if they don't.

But none of this can happen while we feed our fears or let them stay.

The war is within us. We don't need weapons, we need tools. But what tools can conquer fear? What can remove our triggers? It is not enough to learn to breathe deeply or calm ourselves down. We need to grab each fear like a weed by its roots and pull it out. We need tools that can do that! Only then can we dismantle the walls and become more and more free, feel safe, and connect with others.

My journey as brought me to hell and back, and on my way I have found some very powerful tools. I am a tool collector. I have discarded hundreds of tools that were less effective. And now, I want to equip every single person who is willing. You can bring all of your fears along for the ride. You can bring all of your shame and loneliness. You can bring all of your brokenness. Bring any belief system you have and watch this fight right in. All I ask is that you want to choose love and to leave fear behind.

I believe that underneath the vast majority of problems that we experience are 7 obstacles:

• Insecurities

• Fears

• Unhealthy Expectations

• Questionable Beliefs

• Lack of Desire

• Overwhelm

• Low Capacity

Do these resonate for you? Do you see these obstacles in your misery? Do you see that these are the cause of so much of your pain? Do you see that these are at the root of the dysfunctional behavior in those around you? I do. I see them everywhere.

What if there were tools that could address all 7 of these? Does that sound too good to be true? Will you reject this notion and return to your fear and misery? You don't even have to believe me. Try them and see for yourself. 

• For each fear, try the Kill Fears tool.

• For each insecurity, fear, unhealthy expectation or questionable belief try the Trigger Buster tool.

• For lack of desire, try the Deepen My Caring tool.

• For overwhelm, try the Tiny Steps tool.

• For low capacity, try the Increase Capacity tool.

Every one of these is a miracle in my life. I cannot take credit for any of them.

I have a deep and powerful passion and desire to change the world. I want to see so much less suffering. I don't do this for the money (although it helps my wife's cancer battle and to help more people). I do this out of the aching in my heart.

Are you willing? 

How do you like to learn?

1. Schedule a free first session with me and I'll walk you through an obstacle of your choice. An emotional breakthrough is guaranteed in the very first session. 

• Even better: Request a FREE 5-Day Challenge.

2. Try my FREE Breakthrough Path app .

3. Try the FREE Auto-Coach and look for the "Trigger Buster" when it asks you what you'd like to do. This is NOT an AI. I typed every word that the Auto-Coach says. (If you go off script by typing when you are supposed to click a button, then an AI will kick in and start talking to you. You can return to the Auto-Coach by scrolling back up and clicking a button).

4. See recordings of me walking a group of people through the Trigger Buster (aka Inquiry) in one of my free or inexpensive Video Courses ("Thriving in Christianity" is FREE). Choose a video course topic that most closely matches the trigger you'd like to address. In each video course, I also share other tools and principles around the topic.

5. Register for an upcoming live online workshop.

6. Read a detailed explanation of it in my Emotional Breakthroughs book (partial audio included).